How much longer is this “stay in place” order going to last?

The struggle is real, and each day it’s increasingly difficult to adjust and adapt to the constantly changing news.  It’s not often that the entire world is going through a crisis at the same time; in this case, a pandemic.

It’s scary, chaotic and confusing, and may leave you feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, irritable and angry.  You may want to hide under the covers and sleep all day, or you may want to stay busy at all hours of the day and night so that you don’t have to think about what’s really happening.  You may not know what day or time it is, and you don’t care anyway since it doesn’t seem to matter.  You may be working long exhausting shifts with little or no time to recharge.  Or, you may no longer have a job at all.

You keep hearing- “we are all in this together,” but you may still feel alone and disconnected.  The truth is that others may be in different circumstances than you, and it feels like they don’t understand your fear!

You are not alone, and there are others in your same situation.  It may be helpful to reach out and find support from others who truly understand what you’re going through, because they are in the same situation.

Your mental health is intertwined with your physical health and affects your immune system, so it’s important to increase your self-care during this critical time.

The Solution Therapist’s Mental Health Tool Box

1. Limit news and social media:  find credible sites with experts in the medical field and check them only once or twice a day, well before bedtime.  Turn off non-essential alerts on your phone.

2. Identify your triggers:  the news, negative or toxic people, social media, scary TV shows or movies, too much noise, chaos and fighting in your home, clutter, disorganization, papers and bills piling up etc.

3. Routine and Structure:  this will help you and your family to function better and feel more in control.  For example, establish a school- based schedule of weekdays and weekends and then switch to a summer schedule in mid- May or June when the rules are relaxed and more flexible. 

4. Hygiene:  even if no one will see you, it’s important to maintain good hygiene, including showering and brushing your teeth.  When people are severely depressed, they often stop bathing, grooming, and taking care of themselves. 

5. Focus on what you CAN control:  it’s normal to feel powerless and out of control at a time like this, so make a list of what you CAN control. 

6. Nature and Sunlight:  Assuming that you are still able to leave your home, it can be incredibly healing to go for a run or take a walk outside.  If you are in quarantine, then open a window to feel the sun, use aromatherapy, plants and sounds of nature to replicate the experience.   Get a hummingbird feeder and enjoy the view and sounds they make.  They symbolize joy, love and healing!

7. Exercise:  any kind of exercise is an excellent way to lower the level of stress hormones, improve circulation, help to detox the body, and improve your mood. 

8. Breathe:  just take slow, deep breaths.  There are thousands of apps and you tube videos to demonstrate all kinds of breathing techniques to calm your nerves. 

9. Distractions and redirection:  distractions come in a wide variety of forms, so choose the ones that work best for you.

   • Exercise/yoga/ lifting weights

   • TV, movies, video games

   • Puzzles, board games, reading

   • Cooking, cleaning, organizing, gardening

   • Hobbies, gardening, art, sewing, needlepoint

   • Music, dancing, videos, concerts (on TV)

   • Writing, journaling, keeping a log or diary

10. Nutrition/Caffeine:  there’s a connection between food and mood, so re-evaluate what you’re eating and drinking.  Too much caffeine can increase your anxiety, which is not helpful when you are in the midst of a crisis situation.  Remember to hydrate- water is best!

11. Acts of Kindness:  it feels good to do something kind and thoughtful for someone in need.  It may be as simple as a text or phone call to let someone know you’re thinking of them.   Some people are feeling very isolated and lonely during this time.  You might send them a card, a letter or a gift magazine subscription so that they have something to look forward to in the mail.  There are some magazines that cost less than $10 for a year’s subscription.

12. Create your own retreat:  identify a space that is cozy and comfortable where you or your children can be alone.  Use soft pillows, blankets, stuffed animals and whatever helps to make it feel safe.

13. Relax the rules for right now:  video games, educational videos, TV and screen time can actually help some adults and children relax and disconnect from the chaos and fear around them. 

14. Humor, inspiration and honoring the helpers:  inspiring and motivational stories of heroes are all around us, and focusing on the good, the inspiring and the humor around us helps us to refocus our brain.  This all helps to restore HOPE, which we can certainly use more of right now!

15. Create a CALM DOWN list: this may include some of the distractions, but also consider calming lotions, aromatherapy, flowers and plants, your pet(s), taking time for yourself (even if you have to hide in your car, closet or basement),  and tell everyone you need your space. 

Your new script:

This is my new normal for right now.  I don’t know how long this will last or exactly what will happen, but I will just take it 1 day, (or 1 hour, or 1 minute) at a time.

I will do everything I can to take care of myself and my family in the best way I can, given the circumstances.

I know that my mental health is very important and can negatively or positively affect my physical health.

It’s normal to feel sad, frustrated, scared, and/or angry in this situation.  I have to remind myself that this too shall pass, the sooner, the better.

I am grateful for all that I have and will do the best I can.

If my anxiety or depression is mild or moderate, I can use the coping strategies, resources, books, websites and apps that are available to me.  If my anxiety or depression is severe and interferes with daily life and my ability to function, I will contact my doctor, psychiatrist and/or a mental health professional for treatment. 

Online therapy is shown to be very effective for treatment of anxiety and depression.  

Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.   Mignon McLaugh

Please feel free to share this article with anyone who would benefit from this information.

Shellee Moore, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been in private practice in Irvine, CA since 1994.  She is focused on helping clients create a practical and effective tool box with real life solutions for real life problems. 

Now providing ONLINE THERAPY or phone sessions. 

Please call or email to schedule your FREE 15- minute consultation.

Call Shellee: (949) 261-8299
Email Shellee:   shellee@thesolutiontherapist.com